Trying to stay positive isn't as easy as it sounds. Sometimes it seems like the few times I'm not ambushing myself, someone else is there to do it.
No matter how involved I try to be, or how much I put myself out there, I feel like I'm on the outside looking in. There's always someone holding information from me, e-mails and messages I don't seem to get. So many decisions get made that it seems like many people, at least me, don't know about.
It's also very frustrating to try and talk to people, only for them to blow up at something stupid. I can tell that I'm looked down upon by several people, which is what used to keep me from saying anything at all. I thought maybe if I had a stronger presence I might earn respect, but I'm damned if I do, damned if I don't.
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